So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
and you fell through a lawn chair
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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