After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
