I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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