after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
