I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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