The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
