My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
