i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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