every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
