so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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