I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dick very happy bro
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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