I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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