I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
