So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
