My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
