I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The adults are the big ones right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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