did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
