Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
