I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
