Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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