I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
