Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
