I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
a search helicopter?!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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