turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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