5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
