I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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