I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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