I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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