Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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