if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
