I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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