Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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