It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
