You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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