You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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