You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
