I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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