Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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