Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
