The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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