is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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