Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
