Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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