pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
