I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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