so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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