you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Barsexuality is the new black.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
