its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
