you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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