I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
