I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
