I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
